I’m on my eleventh year in prison. If I’m being honest, I’d say I served the first seven years walking around feeling bad for myself. As if it was somebody else’s decision that landed me here.
What has proven to be more dangerous to me than the physical prison itself is the prison I built in my own head.
I say that for context so that whoever reads this understands the place I’m coming from and why this particular topic is the first one I will write about. I’ve had more time to cognitively tear apart every shred of my life than the average person who has so many distractions moving the mind away. The most important lesson I’ve learned throughout my experience is the necessity for accountability. Accountability is the outlier in most people’s lives. Whether we are aware of it or not, it can be the determining factor in whether you are rich or poor, single or married, happy or depressed. Too often do we point the finger at something else or somebody else that is standing in the way of what we want. When we learn to be accountable for our thoughts, actions, and reactions to circumstances, we can truly unlock our full potential.
Thirty-four years old, I’m a man who’s lived beyond his years. I’ve lived beyond them in terms of criminality. This is a statement that I once would stand next to proudly, glorified by the destruction I’ve caused my community. In the social circles I’ve ran in, I have often been applauded and praised for the wrong I’ve done. I grew up in a household where accountability was just some big word in the dictionary. Nobody was ever in the wrong at my house; it was always someone else’s fault. I didn’t have a wonderful upbringing, to say the least, but I also didn’t have the worst. I developed a bad habit early that would cost me for many years to come. I learned to point outward when I had a problem instead of dissecting the root of it internally. I turned into the kid with all the excuses.
Finding places or people to blame for our mistakes just shifts the burden of the problem. We all know that person who has an excuse for everything. We also know that person who’s never wrong at all. I mean, let’s be honest, we probably all know a dozen or more people who share that same unattractive character trait. Now ask yourself the million-dollar question — are you THAT person?
Be honest, look in the mirror, and answer truthfully. When was the last time you took accountability? When is the last time you looked at someone you care about and just said, “I’m sorry.” I don’t mean one of those half-hearted apologies that you choke out in an attempt to move on from an argument. I’m talking about a sincere, genuine forfeiture of your ego apology. If it’s been a while or so long that you can’t even remember when it was, I promise you that you’re THAT person. So do with this small piece of advice what you will, but if you find imbalances in your life, work on your level of accountability and force YOURSELF to bring about change.
Accountability is applicable in many different ways outside of being apologetic. It’s about giving yourself an honest and objective evaluation, identifying where improvements can be made, and then following through. If we make excuses for our own wrongdoings or our own shortcomings, how do we ever truly get better? Lord knows we won’t accept hearing about OUR flaws from somebody else. We would rather cut people we love out of our lives than listen to some of what they think we could improve upon. Nobody can change you but you. I had to learn through the many poor decisions I’ve made that the real problem was hiding, right beneath my skin. I know the average person, or even someone who may have known a younger me, may chalk this up to ‘prison talk’. If that’s you, then that’s okay, you're entitled to your opinion. I just really hope you take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself why you don’t believe people can change.